


The Fuschia Incident

by antonomasia09



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Captain's log, Crack, Epistolary, Gen, Mission Reports, Mixed Media, ds9reversebang 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 15:49:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8630185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antonomasia09/pseuds/antonomasia09
Summary: Good luck getting anybody to talk about it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For [ds9reversebang](http://ds9reversebang.tumblr.com/), based on artwork by [tashatheterrifying](http://tashatheterrifying.tumblr.com/post/151412362595/my-submission-for-ds9reversebang).
> 
> Not all of the fonts in this fic work properly on the iphone/ipad, so please read it on a laptop or desktop for maximum effect!

Mission Report, Cmmdr. Worf, Stardate 49817.7

**Away team members:**

  1. Cmmdr. Worf
  2. Major Kira
  3. Ensign Th’zhathral
  4. Ensign Idu



**Mission location:** Dairilia; Class M planet; Gamma Quadrant; Coordinates _246-mark-33_

**Mission duration:** 12 days

**Mission purpose:**

  1. Conduct mining survey in hopes of finding dilithium crystals
  2. Assess strategic location of the planet for both the Dominion and the Federation



**Mission completed?** Yes

**Comments:**

  1. Scanners detected a moderately-sized dilithium crystal deposit approx. 50-100 meters below the planet’s surface and sloping gently downwards at coordinates 00953.16. 
    1. Surface above the deposit is arid and rocky. Temperatures range from 32-43ºC during the day and -30-0ºC at night.
    2. Recommend room-and-pillar mining technique, given the location and shape of the deposit.
    3. Provided the setup goes smoothly, it should take 4-6 months to empty the vein. Long-term accommodations and supplies will be required.
  2. No apparent strategic advantage for the Dominion; planet is uninhabited and located near an asteroid belt. Apart from the dilithium crystal deposit, planet holds little value for the Federation either; traveling to the planet requires avoiding long-distance Dominion patrols and the asteroids.



 

 

Incident Calendar

It has been ~~12~~ 0 days since the last incident on the station.

 

 

Medical log, Dr. J. Bashir, Stardate 49819.3

The away team for the mining survey in the Gamma Quadrant returned at 16:00 this afternoon. Each member was given a standard physical and released when nothing unusual was found.

Ensign Th'zhathral (Andorian) returned to the infirmary at approximately 23:00, complaining of a headache but no other symptoms. Tha was given the Andorian painkiller “Serisone,” and sent back to thaar quarters. Ensign Idu and Major Kira (both Bajoran) arrived together at approximately 23:45, also complaining of headaches.

At this point, the headaches became a potential indicator of a more serious issue. Ensign Idu and Major Kira were confined to the infirmary, and Ensign Th'zhathral and Commander Worf (Klingon) were ordered to report there. Commander Worf admitted that he, too, had a headache, although his was not serious enough to require medical intervention. All four members of the away team were asked to compile a record of their movements and a list of people they interacted with since returning to the station (see appendix a).

Blood samples were taken from all members of the away team and analyzed using the station’s computers. An unknown pathogen was discovered in all of them. Since it was not present in samples taken before they left, and the runabouts are routinely cleaned with high levels of ultraviolet radiation, it is reasonable to assume that the pathogen originated on the planet they surveyed.

As a preventative measure, all station residents who had come into contact with the infected personnel were asked to report to the infirmary for testing as well. Species included Bajoran, Human, Trill, Bolian, Cardassian, and Ferengi. All tested positive for the pathogen with the exception of the Ferengi.

Note that while it is rare for a pathogen to be able to affect such a wide range of species, it is not unheard of. See appendix b for a list of known pathogens common to all species affected.

Given how quickly the pathogen had already spread, the entire station was quarantined, and ships which had left since the away team arrived were requested to return for testing. Fortunately, all were recalled successfully without having reached their destinations.

Approximately six hours after Ensign Th’zhathral’s initial complaint, thaar headache had increased enough in severity that tha required sedation. A neural scan revealed that the pathogen was breaking down neural pathways in thaar brain and metabolizing them. Scans of the other infected station residents showed a similar breakdown occurring in their brains. Rate of breakdown varied based on species and age (see appendix c).

It was now much more urgent that the nature of the pathogen be identified so that it could be neutralized. Standard evaluation techniques were proving ineffective, so Commander Dax’s help was requested, due to her presence in the infirmary and her expertise in zenobiology.

 

 

Excerpt from Personal Log of Cmmdr. J. Dax Stardate 49822.8

Boy has it been a stressful few days. I know Worf is a grown man and a Starfleet officer, but I can’t help worrying every time he goes on a mission without me. What happened after this latest one sure isn’t making me any less concerned.

At first, everything seemed fine. We had dinner together at the replimat, and talked about a holosuite program I wanted to show him. It’s a recreation of the Battle of Klach D'kel Brakt - I got it from Kor. Worf seemed distracted, but wouldn’t tell me why. Of course, he would never admit to being in pain.

A little after midnight, Julian commed me, asking me to report to the infirmary because there was a chance I’d been exposed to an unknown pathogen. I’d thought the headache I’d developed had just been from stress.

It was terrifying knowing I was infected with something we’d never seen before, but from a scientific perspective it was also rather exciting. Nerys has told me about Julian’s “frontier medicine” comment, and it was insensitive, but we really do get to experience all kinds of fascinating phenomena on this station. I’ll admit that a pounding headache does tend to take away some of the wonder, though.

Once Julian asked for my help, we spent hours trying to identify the pathogen, and then hours more running every test we could think of to kill it. Finally, I suggested combining targeted induced apoptosis with a kinesin formation booster to reverse the neural damage, and Julian engineered a viral delivery system. And it worked!

A bunch of us are going out for drinks in a few minutes at Quark’s bar to celebrate the fact that we didn’t all die again. Hopefully I’ll actually be able to stay awake long enough to enjoy myself.

The, um. The side effect of the treatment. Julian and I are pretty sure it’s temporary. At least we hope so. Hey, one problem at a time, right?

You know what’s really unfair? The Ferengi are the only species on the station immune to the virus, which means they’re the only ones who didn’t have to take the cure. Which means their hair didn’t turn pink. But it wouldn’t have anyway, because they have no hair!

 

Quark’s Pink Beehive Updo Cocktail Recipe

Ingredients:

  * 15 mL orange liqueur
  * 30 mL Lissepian gin
  * 120 mL Terran pineapple juice
  * 15 mL fresh lime juice
  * 15 mL Tellurian cherry liqueur
  * 10 mL Vulcan pomegranate syrup
  * 1 dash I’danian herbs



Pour all ingredients into cocktail shaker filled with ice cubes. Shake well. Strain into tall glass. Garnish with Terran pineapple and cocktail cherry.

 

 

_Ode to Yasu, a Dabo Girl_ by Jake Sisko

Your smile is the midday sun

And your laughter the twinkling of the stars

 

Your hair is ~~the mahogany of the tel’pa tree~~ the rose of a Dahkur Province sunset

And your eyes are brighter than Lorillian gemstones

 

If only you would turn that brilliance upon me

If only I could bask in your glow

 

 

The Tale of Princess Molly, A Bedtime Story

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young princess named Molly. Molly was kind and smart and brave, and everybody in the kingdom loved her. All except for one. There was an evil witch who lived in a cave in the middle of the forest. This witch was angry at Molly’s parents, the king and queen, for banishing her to the cave. She vowed to get revenge.

So one day, the witch snuck into the castle while everybody was asleep. She made a circle of rose petals and dragon’s blood around Molly’s bed and recited a spell. There was a giant thunderclap and a bright flash of lightning, and the guards came running, but it was too late. Molly’s lovely dark hair was now the deep pink of an Axanar crab, and the witch had vanished.

The kingdom despaired. How could their princess ever find someone to marry now that her hair looked so funny? How would foreign leaders ever take her seriously? Would she perpetually have bees flying around her head mistaking her hair for a flower and trying to drink its nectar?

For days, Molly refused to leave her room. She tried cutting her hair off, but it grew back pink again. She tried dyeing it with berries, but the color slid right off. Her parents hired good sorceresses to undo the evil witch’s enchantment, but all of them failed. The spell was just too strong.

But then Molly realized something: the pink hair didn’t matter. Molly was still the same smart, funny, wonderful girl she had been when her hair was brown.

So she went outside again, and talked to her subjects without shame, and showed them that what she looked like mattered less than what was inside of her. Soon, the people rejoiced once more. Some of the other little girls even dyed their hair pink to match that of their princess. And when Molly eventually ascended to the throne, she was known throughout the land as the Queen of Roses, and the kingdom had never been more beautiful.

The end.

 

 

Security Log, DS9, Conversation at “Garak’s Clothiers,” Stardate 49824.6

**Glidia Vennu:** I’m not paying for that dress.

**Elim Garak:** Why not? I assure you, I met every one of your numerous and exacting specifications.

**G.V.:** It doesn’t match my hair.

**E.G.:** I’m afraid I don’t understand.

**G.V.:** I commissioned a dress I could wear at the dabo tables. What do you think Quark would say to me if I showed up to work wearing something that clashed so spectacularly with my hair?

**E.G:** I’ll admit, bright red with the pink hair is a bit much on the eyes. But I’ve been assured by Dr. Bashir himself that the effects of the treatment are only temporary. Your hair should be its normal color again within a week, and then the dress will look stunning.

**G.V.:** Fine. _If_ my hair is back to normal in a week, I’ll come back then.

**E.G.:** Oh, before you leave, perhaps you might be interested in purchasing some gloves to go with the dress? I have a number of lovely pairs over here, if you’ll follow me…

 

 

Captain’s log, B. Sisko, Stardate 49824.12

There are days in this command where I feel like I’m really making a difference in this little corner of the galaxy; beating back Dominion invasions, being Emissary of the Prophets for an entire planet, things like that.

And then there are days when I’m trying to negotiate a trade agreement with a reclusive Edosian sect while my hair is bright pink. And it turns out that they consider the color pink to be a horrible insult, roughly the equivalent of showing up to the negotiation without pants. Something to do with one of their ancient religious figures and a flower, I believe.

Accusations of deliberate sabotage were raised; however, there is no reason to believe that anyone on either side wanted the negotiations to fail.

Anyway, the trade agreement has been put on hold for the moment, until everyone’s hair is back to normal. It _will_ get back to normal. I have suspended all of Doctor Bashir’s other duties until he figures out how to fix this.

Note for future reference: consider asking Starfleet to add hats to the regulation uniform. I’m sure Mr. Garak has some designs that he would love to show off.

 

 

Weekly Report to Bajor, Starfleet Liaison Officer Maj. Kira Nerys, Stardate 49825.4

  * 1 stationwide emergency
    * A new disease was brought back from the Gamma Quadrant, but was successfully contained and cured. See attached medical report.
  * 2 minor security incidents
    * A silk merchant was arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct in Quark’s bar. No damage was done, and the merchant was released the following morning with a warning.
    * A Gumato freighter captain who was upset about having his fur turned pink caused a small fire in docking bay 3 when his razor overloaded as he tried to shave it all off.



May the Prophets grant us good fortune in the coming week.

 

 

Requisition form to Bajor

  1. Black hair dye.
  2. Brown hair dye
  3. Blond hair dye
  4. Auburn hair dye
  5. Blue hair dye



**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to brinnanza for hosting the bang!


End file.
